


Crank Headcanons

by intellexual_asexual



Series: Ego Headcanons [3]
Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom
Genre: also oops you can tell who i like the most once you start looking at the headcanons kfjghlhja, oop this was long overdue lkfdslfgjahjh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:20:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29538822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intellexual_asexual/pseuds/intellexual_asexual
Summary: My headcanons for the Cranks, who need more works centered about them. You guys are slacking, honestly.
Series: Ego Headcanons [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144424
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Crank Headcanons

**Author's Note:**

> Um uh you can tell at the beginning that this has been sitting in my Google Drive for a while so you're welcome for remembering about it jghklfhas.

**BlankGameplays**

  * he/him pronouns
  * (Right fuck I have to include what they look like now because theres no general consensus on appearances like with the other two groups of egos kjdfglfjkd) Blank has brown hair, he looks like he’s 18, and his skin is almost white. His resting facial expression is a frown, the poor baby :(.
  * Blank is a very sad, sad being. He’s the physical manifestation of Ethan’s depression, anxiety, and doubt, so of course he’s sad. His tears are an inky black, as well as his whole eyes, and he’s almost constantly crying. He’s also very emotional, hence the constantly crying bit, even though he usually talks in monotone.
  * Blank has one sweatshirt that he wears all the time, since y/n gave it to him. I mean, all of the egos across all three houses have one basic outfit, but Blank like ONLY wears this sweatshirt. It’s three sizes too big on him and it makes him feel safe and protected. Not to mention it has Spencer embroidered onto it.
  * Blank’s powers consist of making other people feel sad or nervous. It’s a kind of mind control, but only like emotionally. Blank will do this if he’s too upset, but y/n and Mad Mike accidentally found out that if you put on one of those stupid tinfoil ‘alien protection’ hats they can protect themselves from being emotionally manipulated.
  * Blank usually just hangs out in his room, either laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling or sitting on the floor and staring at the wall. He just thinks random thoughts, none of which connect together. 
  * Sometimes, when he’s in a less sad mood, he’s in the kitchen hydrating. y/n makes it a habit of forcing him to drink water every time they visit, and Blank has accidentally taken to that habit. He doesn’t mind, though, he’s grateful that y/n has bothered to help him.
  * The Cranks don’t refer to themselves as ‘siblings’ or ‘family,’ they’re more like ‘roommates.’ Which is accurate since half of them act insane while the other half are calmer. So, Blank thinks most of his ‘roommates’ are very nice and respectful.
  * Blank keeps his door shut when he’s moping, and Mrs. Thomson will slide some hand-written letters under the door. They’re all in little patterned envelopes and addressed properly to Blank: “Blank Game Plays, 420 Ego Street, Palm Desert CA 92211” The contents of the letters range from what happened/was happening in the house that day, or what Mrs. Thomson ate for breakfast, or an excerpt from her newest story. Blank reads them, of course, and they make him a bit less sad sometimes. He has a wicker basket (given to him by Mrs. Thomson) that he files all of the letters in.
  * Blank is ‘closest’ with Mrs. Thomson. I say ‘closest’ because Blank doesn’t really interact with any of his roommates besides the occasional and accidental mind control. Though one time he did ask Yahoo a question along the lines of “Where do I put the stamp on an envelope?”
  * Mad Mike likes to tease and pester Blank, in an attempt to cheer him up. He never seems to notice that this has the opposite effect. 
  * y/n is definitely the person closest to Blank. Not even Ethan has managed to get Blank to let out a giggle, let alone come out of his room for more then five minutes. y/n takes pride in the fact that they are the main reason Blank manages to feel happy once in a while
  * Blank had taken an interest in writing, really because of Mrs. Thomson. The first time he decided to send a letter back under the door she shrieked, and Blank smiled for the first time in a while.
  * Blank has a specialty room. Has he ever been inside of it? No. Does he want to go inside of it? No.



**Mad Mike**

  * he/him pronouns
  * Mike looks a little older than Blank, but not by much. His hair is dyed a blinding neon blue and he usually has a little soda jerk hat on (yes I actually researched the name of that stupid fucking hat fjghgljfld). I say usually because it can sometimes flicker in and out of existence if the fans become indecisive about whether or not he wears it. Mike is a fucking s t r i n g b e a n
  * Mike is fucking crazy. Absolutely batshit insane. You thought Wilford was bad? Try taking Wilford’s mentality, and mixing it with Yan’s personality, and adding a little bit of the Jims’ quirkiness, and boom! You’ve got Mike. 
  * Mike may be a bit nutty, but he’s also very caring. His jabs at Blank really are his way of trying to get him to smile, and he knows when to tone the craziness down. Especially when y/n is around, or when Blank is near.
  * Mike does actually run an ice cream van, and the rumors about him putting drugs in the ice cream aren’t true. Though he might mix it into his personal stash sometimes ;)
  * Speaking of that, y/n tried some of his personal ice cream on one of their first visits to the Cranks’, not knowing that it was Mike’s and it was drugged. They were on Cloud, like, 784 when everyone finally realized why they were acting loopy. Needless to say Mike started labeling his ice cream from then on, if not somewhat reluctantly.
  * Mike has some powers. They’re a much less powerful version of what Wilford can do, and Mike can only create things, not send them away. The objects he creates can’t be larger than his hand, and they show up as a marbled mixture of pink and blue
  * Nobody knows how Mike gets his drugs, or how he manages to make an insane amount of money off of the ice cream van. Just some of his many secrets, they guess.
  * Mike likes all of his roommates, especially Post. They get along pretty well, though Mike’s craziness can get a bit overwhelming at times.
  * y/n tries to avoid Mike as much as possible whenever they visit. Not that they don’t like them, Mike is pretty cool, but y/n gets enough of that at the Ipliers. But it’s not like they can tell Mike that, he doesn’t know about the Ipliers and both Mark and Ethan would like to keep it that way.
  * Mike likes to pull pranks on the other egos in his spare time. Though he always avoids pulling them on Mrs. Thomson, he wouldn’t aggravate her for the world. She’s a sweet old lady! And she may or may not ‘forget’ to fix him dinner the next night if he did do the prank
  * Mike also adores Spencer, and Spencer seems attached to him as much as he likes Mrs. Thomson. Mike will go out of his way to get at least one new toy for Spencer by the time he visits again.
  * Mike also enjoys baking, even if his methods are a bit… chaotic, to say the least. Everything turns out edible, somehow, even if the kitchen is half demolished and it takes three loads of the dishwasher to clean up the dishes he used. Not to mention the amount of ingredients he used up to make a single batch of brownies…. y/n shudders whenever they imagine the Cranks’ weekly food bill, and tries to keep Mike away from the kitchen when they are over
  * Mike’s specialty room is where he makes his ice cream for his van. It’s basically a giant freezer, but Mike (as well as the other Cranks) is accustomed to cold weather since Nestor is from Maine.



**Bernice (ok so the formatting kind of changed a bit oops. I wrote the other two egos in early january so they are a bit different than the rest of them, and im too lazy to change them so kgjhjgfd.)**

  * she/her pronouns
  * Bernice has red hair, but its more of a natural red and not a bright red. Her makeup is always flawless even though she never wears anything too fancy. Bernice looks to be the most mature out of all of the egos (besides Mrs. Thomson obviously).
  * Bernice can be a bit snarky but when you get to know her she’s a nice gal. 
  * Bernice is a succubus, or the “female” version of what Bim Trimmer is. Her powers, however, are based around touch rather than sight and smell. So if you see Bernice kissing one of her siblings, she’s not committing incest she’s just trying to get out of being yelled at kjhkgfjl
  * Bernice keeps a list of all of the egos, and she’s titled it “Smartest Cranks.” She’s put Mrs. Thomson at the top of the list, out of respect, and next in line is herself. She constantly changes the order of the others throughout each week, moving someone up when they do something safe and moving them down when they do something stupid.
  * Bernice’s specialty room is basically a giant wardrobe. Complete with a full length mirror and like ten racks for shoes. Seriously, why does she need all of those if she barely goes out of the house?
  * Bernice likes spicy food. If it has hot sauce, she’ll eat it. None of the other Cranks like spicy food, however, so Bernice has an entire little shelf in the kitchen cabinets to herself full of the spiciest spices she could find.
  * Bernice is basically the mother of the house, and she likes all of her roommates. She’d say that she’s closest with Mrs. Thomson and maybe Unus.
  * Bernice likes to scroll through social media in her free time. She enjoys keeping up with the latest fashion and makeup trends



**The Postman**

  * he/him pronouns
  * Post wears a traditional uniform for someone in the post office. His hair is brown and fluffy, and his other features are pretty similar to Mike’s.
  * Post is also basically Mike’s personality twin, except he’s a bit less chaotic.
  * Post has super flexibility. He can twist his body in all sorts of directions. Because of this, it pains the other Cranks to look at him when he stretches in the morning.
  * Post really likes gymnastics. His specialty room is basically a giant gymnastics playground, and the floor is covered in those bright red safety blocks or whatever the fuck they’re called kjghlhhgfj.
  * Post may be one of the more overenthusiastic egos, but when something serious happens in the house he’s usually the calmest out of everyone (except maybe Mrs. Thomson, she’s pretty chill).
  * Post actually does have a job! He works for multiple post offices around the States. I say multiple because the door that Marvin made for him is a bit… glitched. Instead of taking him to the nearest post office, the door leads to a different one every day. But for some reason, everyone at every post office thinks Post works there so it’s all good.
  * Post doesn’t work _that_ often because there’s really no point, since Mike basically pulls money from thin air. But he enjoys it, so he works at least three days a week.
  * Post is definitely closest to Mike and Unus. They’ll have little prank wars sometimes, and Post always comes out victorious because of the amount of energy he has.
  * Post, unsurprisingly, practices gymnastics in his free time. He also enlists the help of Yahoo sometimes to find more ideas for pranks



**YahooGamePlays**

  * he/him pronouns
  * Yahoo looks like Unus (aka his bodily features are more similar to the present-day Ethan Nestor) except for the deep purple hair. He is an underdeveloped android in terms of looks, so the only places he has white synthetic skin are on his face, arms, and legs up to the knee. Everything not covered by the fake skin is grey with those stereotypical computer program lines, except they’re purple and not green.
  * Yahoo is an android like Googleplier and Bingiplier. He uses the Yahoo search engine instead of Google or Bing, obviously, and as a result he is a bit different program-wise. He’s more up to date on the latest news and stories (which Bernice takes full advantage of, she loves gossip). He can still do basic searches though, so the Cranks usually come to him if they have important questions.
  * Yahoo is definitely the most humanlike out of the three android egos. Like Bing, he can feel human emotions. Unlike Bing, he can empathize more with humans who are feeling certain emotions. 
  * Yahoo is also, honestly, the most humanlike out of the Cranks. He’s the sanest and most level headed (besides Post in Crisis ModeTM), and he’s one of the only two people who can get Mike out of his fits of insanity or Blank to calm down
  * Yahoo can actually eat and taste food, but his internal structure wasn’t meant for that. So he found out the hard way that food just gets stuck in his system if he does eat something.
  * Yahoo’s bedroom is similar to Google and Bing’s workshop, minus the bright orange walls fgjhklh. He fucks around with a lot more technological shit, since he’s extremely curious as to how things work, so the floor is littered with bits and pieces of scrap metal and nuts and bolts. He also has an indestructible microwave that he convinced Marvin to get for him, since he enjoys experimenting with how things react to being nuked for ten minutes.
  * Like humans, Yahoo is keeping a secret from his roommates. He has never shown any of them what’s in his specialty room, since it can only be accessed with Yahoo’s handprint scan. His specialty room is a musical theatre nerd’s dream. Playbills everywhere. Desktop open to tumblr. Bluetooth speaker blasting a song from Heathers. Yahoo hasn’t told the Cranks this because he was afraid of being teased jghkgsgdk. They’ll never know why he gets along with Yancy so well.



**Mrs. Thomson**

  * she/her pronouns
  * Mrs. Thomson definitely looks the oldest out of all of the egos, with Ethan’s more mature face and several forehead wrinkles. Her hair is almost completely grey and always pulled back in a bun. She has close to thirty different colored shawls but the one she wears most often is the one seen in her “debut” (the one I like to call “Offbrand Bowling Alley Carpet”)
  * Mrs. Thomson is a sweet old lady. She’s very accepting of all of the Cranks and treats them like her grandchildren. Which they kind of are.
  * Mrs. Thomson does most of the cooking in the house. Not like the others can’t cook, because Yahoo can make a mean grilled cheese sandwich, but Mrs. Thomson really enjoys cooking. So the Cranks leave her to it. They’re not complaining, Mrs. Thomson makes some amazing food.
  * She also enjoys baking, which everyone loves. Her favorite recipe is one for lofthouse cookies (the fantastic ones from Walmart), and she makes them perfect every time she bakes them. It’s like a superpower.
  * Speaking of superpowers, Mrs. Thomson has the ability to mentally manipulate people into thinking certain thoughts. She can also read minds and respond to peoples’ thoughts, similar to what Antisepticeye can do, I guess.
  * Mrs. Thomson is the resident grandma, and all of the egos love her. And she loves them all back, especially Blank, Eric, and Robbie. 
  * Mrs. Thomson doesn’t have a specialty room, but after her Arrival the kitchen was completely remodeled. It became bigger and ten times more organized than the one they had before.



**The Old Father Ethan (I’ll explain later)**

  * he/him pronouns
  * Father Ethan looked like Ethan Nestor if he had aged two hundred years and shriveled up like a prune. He was also extremely tall, even though his back was bent severely. 
  * Father Ethan was the textbook definition of someone’s dinosaur-aged conservative grandpa. 
  * Father Ethan had powers, but he never knew what they were since he disliked seeing and using magic.
  * Father Ethan’s specialty room was simply a confession booth. 
  * Father Ethan absolutely despised all of the Cranks except for Mrs. Thomson. She tried to reason with him, and she made quite a bit of progress before he Faded.



**The New and Arguably Better Father Ethan (I’ll explain later)**

  * any pronouns, but uses he/him most often
  * Father looks a lot younger than he used to. And smoother. And happier. 
  * Father is a lot more accepting of magic than before, since he has powers of his own. Magic really isn’t sinful unless you’re using it for evil deeds. He can’t believe he used to act like that!
  * Father’s powers are… interesting. He can glow, which he’s still not exactly sure why but it’s cool nonetheless. And he can communicate with some sort of higher power. It calls itself God, and it’s always chattering away at the back of his mind. Father isn’t certain who this higher power actually is or what they can do, but he really wishes they would leave him be for longer than five minutes. 
  * Father is a priest, surprising because of his assumed age. His specialty room is still a confession booth.
  * Father would say he’s closest to Mrs. Thomson, but he’s actually really close to Blank. The two of them act the youngest, it would make sense that they got along well.



**The Gongoozler**

  * they/them pronouns
  * Gooz has Nestor’s face and hair, but that’s where their similarities stop. Gooz is easily two feet taller than any of the other Cranks, and they’re only half human. Their fish tail is sea green in color, as are the claws on their hands and the fins on their face. Their eyes are a bright yellow with slit pupils, and they glow in the dark. Uh, their eyes, not their whole body. But that would be pretty cool.
  * Gooz is a sweetie. And a goofball. So when Post needs help planning a water prank, you can bet that you’ll find the two of them plotting together.
  * Gooz is a siren/naiad sort-of hybrid. They can make a sort of purring noise that can calm people down and put them to sleep. They can also seemingly teleport to other bodies of water. They’ve traveled as far as Indonesia by using that ability.
  * Gooz’s bedroom is also their specialty room since they can’t exactly sleep in a bed. They have their own little indoor pond, and the surrounding area looks like some sort of forest/jungle area. Flowers and vines are everywhere, as well as bugs.
  * Gooz can eat (and prefers to eat) human food. They really like cheese. But when it comes down to it, they don’t mind eating live fish or random bugs that fly by.
  * Gooz has met the other Unus Annus Cryptid, HeeHoo. They get along pretty well, and Gooz has found that HeeHoo actually does speak a bit of English. He said he just made grunting noises for the aesthetic.
  * Gooz can speak English too, just underwater or if someone wears The Necklace. But Gooz gave it to Bernice, so she’s really the only one who’s heard them speak.
  * Mike made Gooz a waterproof ‘white’board (I say ‘white’ because anything that Mike creates out of this air is pink and blue in color) and marker for them to write with. Their handwriting is awful because of their long claws and the fact that they had never written anything before, but they got the hang of it eventually.
  * Gooz is definitely closest to Unus, his ‘creator,’ and Bernice.



**Other General Headcanons**

  * About Father Ethan: After he Faded one time, he took a while to Return. When he eventually did, it was like he was a completely different person. He was redesigned in so many ways that the Cranks didn’t know whether to tell him about his previous life there or to introduce him like he was new.
  * The Cranks like to over-celebrate every single holiday. Especially St. Patrick’s Day, because they enjoy annoying the Septics about it.
  * The Cranks have a large pool. So large that it takes up the entire backyard area except for a patch in the back. The pool is 15 feet deep on the deep end, which Gooz thoroughly enjoys.
  * Speaking of the pool, Mike will only swim with pool floaties and no one knows why. It’s not like he was scripted with a tragic accident with water or anything. Maybe he really is just a five year old at heart.
  * Blank… has a history with self harm. None of the Cranks know except for Mrs. Thomson because they’re all overly oblivious. They never question why Blank always wears long sleeves, they just figure he’s cold all the time.



**Author's Note:**

> You know seeing the older written headcanons reminds me that I have not written a real reader insert in a while oops sjkghlk. And, unfortunately, I really don't think I will anytime soon. I've bene pretty content with the things I've been publishing lately, and I feel no need to write any reader inserts right now. But I still can, so if you have a request and it's a reader insert than don't be afraid to reach out lkdsklgjfh.


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